Mulbeery Street

Mulberry Street/ 85 min/ R/ 2006

Well not a great movie but not a terrible one. I felt this movie dragged and went nowhere, which is a bit of a surprise for me since the running time was only 85 minutes. Horror movies usually have this time slot which allows you meet the meet the characters too quickly and then boom! - shit hits the fan. Instead the director tried to develop the characters and be artsy with glimpses of New York City here and there. I was surprised by all this because Fear.net said this was a rat zombie movie which sounds like a total recipe for an entertaining shitty movie. Instead, if I wanted to watch a movie about rats and zombies why don’t I just watch a documentary on NYC where the rats lift weights and are the size of dogs (sorry Boston I think the Big Apple has bigger rats)? Likewise, the city that never sleeps is bound to have someone who walks like a zombie since they haven’t slept for some time.

While I can’t necessarily say I want my 90 minutes back after watching this rat turd sandwich, but instead though, “what the hell did I watch?” You took a while to introduce characters and build relationships that went nowhere and then threw in an unexplained outbreak of flesh hungry rats that bite people, who then turn into human rats that eat people. To sum this movie in 6 words: Rat Zombies Dark Fast Camera Scenes. I think one of the dumbest parts of the movie was when the main character Clutch is going out to rescue the lady he is interested in, who is trapped in a bar. His weapon of choice….his fist! What are we fucking Chuck Norris here? Dude you have knives, chair legs, and since you’re in a shitty apartment most likely a gun nearby. But no, we are going to use our right and left hands to bash in rat zombie heads. You are most likely going to cut your hands while beating some zombie into cherry pie and then get infected and then eat your damsel in distress. So in the end I give this movie a 2.5/5 axes. I felt this movie should get some credit. First, the idea of rat zombies, I have to hand it to the creator, not even I could of brain stormed this absurd idea. Second, the rat zombie’s costumes were not all that bad since the movie budget was around $60,000. I felt this movie was trying to capture a 28 Days Later feel, but didn’t quite make it because of budget restraints.

Introductions please.

Hi there, we're Merith and Robert, the sensational sibling duo, and this is our first movie blog!  Perhaps you are wondering why on earth would anyone would want to watch bad horror and sci-fi movies?  And worse yet, why would such a person want to blog about it?  Hmmm, well... good point.  Robert has nothing to argue for in his case, other than he does like these movies - the good ones that is, not these bad ones. Watching horror and sci-fi movies is like eating popcorn, you have some really good pieces in there, but sometimes you have the shitty burnt or unpopped kernels as well (especially if Merith makes the popcorn - beware!). 

The whole idea of blogging about these ridiculous movies was created by Merith, who Robert loves torture by making her watch these bad movies. Several years ago, Merith coerced Robert into reading Harry Potter, because she wanted her brother to read more and the series was a fairly innocuous way to begin such a task. Robert thought all throughout high school and early years of college that Harry Potter was just a stupid fantasy children series, however he did like the movies for some reason.  So Robert agreed to read the first book for his sister and his reward would be he could pick any terrible gruesome movie of his choice - generally the ones that would usually make Merith leave the room, but under this deal she would have to watch it.  Thus we agreed to the following deal: a movie for a book, beginning with all seven books in the Harry Potter series. To Merith's surprise Robert ended up loving the Harry Potter series, but unfortunately for her she did not enjoy these movies. Also, unfortunately for his sister, Robert currently has a backlog of books he owes her - he believes it’s around 17 books by now. Yet somehow, Merith continues to watch these terrible movies.  Regardless, if she hadn’t continued to watch these movies with Robert, she wouldn’t have blurted, “I want my 90 minutes back!” during Killer Clowns from Space, thus unveiling the burnt, shitty, unpopped kernel of inspiration for this blog.   

Now that the blog has started we want to let you know we have a few guidelines for our movie reviews, as well as how we plan to design this blog. First the movie must be recently watched, so childhood favorites of Robert's, such as Child’s Play - which he has seen a number of times, must be watched again in order to write about it. We're aiming to not only give you, the reader, a review of the movie, but also to make fun of it by talking about stupid scenes, characters, acting, etc. We're also planning on adding drawings of the movie, considering Robert is quite the doodle bug. Instead of giving these movies stars as good movies deserve, these failed movies shall receive axes.  The ax is dually symbolic - representing the gore one will find in the movie, while also alluding to the chopping block these movies should have met, much like several merry wives of King Henry VIII did.

On that note, we shall let the games commence. Thanks for reading!